Multiple layers cohabit my mind. Each one of these layers naturally exists in a temporary vacuum. Sort of like a multi-boot system with six different main partitions. I named these partitions. Internal Inherent, Internal Projected, Internal External, Active Internal, Active Projected, and Active External. I will explain these different partitions, which all comprise my mind, yet are all entirely independent.
Internal Inherent is my internal reality. This is my self-reflecting reality. My own unique thoughts flow here, it’s a dark void. A goo of dark greys and blacks. Within it echoing my voice and its thoughts.
Internal Projected is made of internal thoughts which aren’t my own. My past, memories, hallucinations, images and thoughts which I do not claim yet are projected onto myself. This world can play in the same dark void as my internal inherent thoughts, but most of the time it conveys itself through images. Both still and moving memories, either totally fabricated or truly experienced in the past. The internal projected mind makes no distinction between either, and it is blurry to distinguish fact from fiction.
Internal External is made of external thoughts. Things like video games, shows, other people’s histories, etc. Any non internally formed thoughts. These are things not usually intimately intertwined with me as a person. They serve a very different function to my mind as a whole, rather then generated thought like the last two layers, these are processed as active external stimuli in the moment they are thought up. As with all other layers, this layer works alone and all other layers do not function whilst this is functioning.
Active Internal is my own physical world. Action enacted by me, seen by only me, for only me. Actions I commit only alone, such as singing random songs, or talking to myself aloud. These actions are fundamentally different from how I process physical action in group settings or perceived group settings. My own spoken words and movements convey to the active internal mind thoughts, exactly like how my internal inherent and internal projected thoughts are portrayed through internal thought.
That is the main distinction between the internal prefixed layers and the active ones. Internal prefixed layers are enacted through internal voice, images, and movements. While active prefixed layers are enacted using real actions which play out in the real world rather then just the mind. Consisting of purely physical actions. Meaning there is no internal voice when an active prefixed layer is currently leading.
Active projected is when I apply myself to the external world. This is when writing an article or texting, among other things. Internal voice is present but not as thought. It simpy repeats what is being presented to it. This isn’t exclusively in the internal voice either, depending on circumstance the active voice repeats what is being projected outward as well.
Active external is when I don’t apply any physical or internal forces but rather am being applied active force to, externally. For example, when I’m being talked to and am not leading a conversation. Thought is seemingly outsourced from who ever I am with.
These layers all naturally occur with no overlap. However, that is not always the case. Certain addictions can bridge these otherwise concrete barriers. That seems to be why addictions come quickly to me. They provide a divergence from the otherwise strict binary of the layers of my mind. As in the absense of certain past addictions, in no two layers are any of my thoughts or emotions coexistent. Each thought is strictly confined to the layer which generated or observed it. In the presence of said certain addictions, these thoughts and emotions become more fluid and can gap from the internal external layer to the internal projected layer for example.
Without these addictions, swapping from one layer to another is a timely process. It doesn’t happen quickly, and it’s not something that happens voluntarily. It requires quiet points to reset and reselect. I normally accomplish this by zoning out during a long day or setting time to just sit at a wall. I normally allot 15 minutes to do so, and if I can’t, my mind normally tunes out and assumes an autopilot like state while it does so. However, only when I actively provide that staring time does my mind actually process everything from the day. At these points everything dumps itself onto me with as much emotion that backed it the first time I experienced it. Every emotion from every layer rears its head during these staring sessions. Which act like a mandatory reset to keep me moving. This is why at times I feel emotionless, and at other times I feel hyper-emotional. I save the emotion for these mandatory reset periods.
I hope my explanation of my meta-cognition was at least amusing to anyone who ever reads it. Or if it provides crucial context for anyone trying to process their own thoughts, that’s even better. I’m glad god provided me with the clarity to both process and write all of this out, because lord knows how quickly my mind can wander.